I don’t really recall actively feeling nervous about becoming a dad until about the time we got in the car to go to the hospital. That’s when it got real, and I had a mild panic attack. Otherwise for most of those forty weeks leading up to Noah’s birth it all felt pretty emotionally distant. Sure, I was excited at the knowledge that I was going to have a kid, but no matter how close we got to the big day, it all seemed so surreal.
The delivery itself was exhausting, even for me. The pushing phase of the delivery took nearly three grueling hours. However, once the head was delivered the rest of him came very quickly. When I first saw Noah I was hit with an almost overwhelming wave of emotion. It was extremely sudden. It wasn’t a single emotion I could point to, but rather a whole range of them at one time, like different colored fireworks exploding together. Happiness, fear, relief (I’m sure), etc. It was probably the most intense emotional experience I’ve ever had.
Later, in the wee hours of the morning, exhaustion settled in, and I went to sleep on what would otherwise have seemed like an extremely uncomfortable “bed.” At that moment though it felt perfect.
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